"...at the very beginning... a very good place to start."
So here I am at the beginning (again), armed with photos (I really wish I didn't have to look at them or be the size I am in them), with plans, with rules, with dreams and with some actual enthusiasm.
Now is the time to try again. Or, as a wise "man" once said: "Do or do not, there is no try."
So I am here to do... and, yes, some of this is controversial but this is how it's going to work so please don't start an argument with me over this, okay?
I am sticking with counting calories with My Fitness Pal because I know it works if I actually do it. I've gone through several cycles of calories counting, some in the 1200 a day camp, some higher up to 1300-1500 and what I've discovered is pretty sad.
I lose weight when I do 1200 calories a day and under. I know that seems like a very, very small amount but after tons of research and reading over my old blog posts and MFP logging where I was actually losing weight, that is what it comes too.
When I get up to 1280 - 1300 I stop losing weight and after 1300 I start gaining even with healthy food. I then went and did more research and looked up all the psych meds I'm on and what their effects are and they have pretty much messed up my metabolism to this point.
According to My Fitness Pal, at my current weight, I should be able to eat 1,780 calories to lose half a pound a week, 1,530 to lose a pound and 1,280 to lose 1.5 pounds a week. Anymore and we hit 1200 calories. Unfortunately these numbers don't work for me. Instead they lead to a stall or a gain.
So, basically, I need to aim for about 1200 calories a day to lose weight and, yes, I did speak to my doctor about this and I have his approval.
I know some people will disagree with this amount but it is what it is and since I'm going to be on psych meds for the rest of my life I need to work with them. So I'm asking for support and not arguments please!
My hope is that as I keep working out, it will allow me more calories. Plus I need to figure out how to fit the most amount of healthy food within that calorie amount. Sure I could have a burger, coffee and fries and hit my full amount (and then some) with just that but I don't just want to lose weight, I want to gain health.
I'm sticking with Fridays as my weigh-in day because I like the idea of starting the weekend fresh. I don't plan to go crazy on the weekends or anything but it's nice to know the option for a "cheat snack" (not a cheat meal!) is there on the weekends which still leaves me with the rest of the week to stay on track.
I'm choosing to blog again because it really keeps me accountable and I love to write and getting all this stuff out of my head and unto paper (or screen) helps me as well.
On top of calories I'm working hard to add exercise back into my life. I started working out yesterday and I really want to get back to 10,000 steps a day. I just need to be really careful with my back and ankles. The 10,000 steps will be even easier to achieve now that the good weather is coming (please, I hope!!).
And here, once again, is my list for why I'm doing this...
I want to be healthy.
I want to be able to try on clothes in a mall at any store.
I want to hike and swim and play with the kids and not get short of breath or not be able to keep up.
I want to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without breathing hard.
I want to get off all the meds I'm on due to obesity.
I want to look at myself in the mirror and not cringe.
I want to wear the clothes in my closet.
I want to set a good example for my children.
I want my kids to not be embarrassed by me.
I want to be able to sit comfortably in the seats in rides at an amusement park.
I want to be able to wear shoes with heels.
I want to not be "the fat one" in the family or in a group of friends.
I want to feel and look on the outside the way I do on the inside; young and strong and fit.
I want to not be so embarrassed to wear a swim suit that I won't go to the pool.
I want to dance.
I want to live for a long time.
I want to see muscle where there is fat.
I want to look good.
I want to enjoy food, not battle with it.
I want to want to be in photos; with Charles, with my kids, with my friends, and not hate them once I see them.
I want to be strong.
I want to be lean.
I want to be flexible.
I want to live my life, not watch it pass by in a haze of ice cream and chips.
Let's see how it goes!