Monday, April 13, 2015

Good Days and Bad Days (Reposted From Old Blog With Updates)

Today is not the best day.

In fact, it's one of the highest pain days that I've had in a while.

In my old blog I spent a lot of time talking about my health issues: the bipolar, the fibromialga (yes it is real), the bad back and protruding discs in it, the hip issues, the migraines, the random joint pain....well you get the picture.

Since this blog is still new I haven't gotten into all that stuff yet but all of these issues affect my plans and my ability to get things done in a regular day.

On a good day I get up and I feel awake and energized. Very little hurts, if anything at all.  I can bend and stretch and workout. I can get bills paid and work done and handle homeschooling in the best way possible. I can cook and clean and go for walks, joke with the kids, take care of errands, smile and feel good.

On a bad day everything changes. I get up and I feel dizzy and like I'm going to pass out. I need to sit down so my head will stop spinning and so I won't feel like throwing up. My joints will hurts but I will never know which ones until it begins. The last couple days it was just my knees. Today it's every joint in my body, but especially my knees, wrists and fingers.

When a migraine hits it feels like a sledgehammer is being slammed into the left side of my head and when my back or hip go out it's just a lot of pain.

I can't work out outside of a simple stretch and maybe a slow walk. I can't do much of anything without feeling sick and in pain. I try to sleep during the day because that helps and I usually feel better when I get back up. Usually. I'm not going to get into the bipolar thing here. That's a whole other post.

And the worst part of all this is that I look normal and healthy. You don't know if I am having a good or bad day unless you really know me and can tell. I don't look sick. I'm not bald as in cases of chemo, I don't have crutches or a walker or a wheelchair so even if my knee and ankle joints are hurting, it's not visible. I'm not blind or deaf.

It's true that on the worst days I limp, and walk funny if it's my back that day, rub my head and squint if the migraine is kicking in and so on. But most of the time my pain is invisible.

But that doesn't mean it's not real.

I wish more people would understand that.

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