This may be more of a confession than a blog post :/
So this past week I had two cheat days. Yes, I said two. I had planned for one (I've been able to have small cheat days lately and still lose weight) but this got out of control.
Let me rephrase... I allowed and even welcomed things to get out of control.
It was all my own choices and decisions.
No one held a gun to my head. There were no special occasions, I wasn't eating my feelings, I just decided to eat crap and then keep going and eat more crap.
And honestly, it was freaking delicious!
Here's how it all went down... Thursday's are my weigh-in days and my grocery shopping days so the last few weeks I've been grabbing something little that I really want and counting it as a cheat day. Some Thursdays I grab what looks good and some Thursdays I know exactly what I'm getting because I spent all week thinking about it and planning for it. It also helps that I've been getting away with it on the scale. Well, maybe "helps" isn't the right word.
In any case, I enjoyed my yummy, crappy food (Little Debbie Fudge Cakes if it must be known... you would think I'd go for something better but they are amazing frozen) and then I was done. In my head I was all done and ready for the new week. But I made a crucial mistake. I left one unaccounted for in the freezer. I should have made sure a kid would eat it or something but normally I enjoy my cheat and I'm done so I didn't really worry about it.
I came home from work on Friday and I went right to the freezer and there it was. I didn't even think, I just picked it up and ate it. And then the floodgates of sugar opened up and said... "Ahhhhhhhh eat everything you can possibly find because you've already 'ruined' your day so go all out and enjoy it!!!"
And trust me, I know how stupid that it. The day isn't ruined if you eat one unhealthy thing. You didn't mess up all your hard work with one thing... but when that one thing becomes ten things and you just keep on going... well, you get the idea.
So I ate, and ate and ate and ate. I'm not even going to list everything I ate but it was a nice sampling of stuff I rarely, if ever, touch anymore. I still maintained my stance on not having bread or pizza but pretty much everything else was up for grabs. It was delicious and it was exhausting and it was sickeningly sweet and I ate so much more than my stomach could really handle anymore but once it got started it just kept going and going and going. And then, just like that, it was done. There was still junk left over and I wanted nothing to do with it. The floodgates had slammed shut and I was strangely satisfied. And feeling incredibly full and sick but I was honestly done.
Now I'm in the process of very much detoxing (I think) which is why I feel like crud but, somehow, I'm almost okay with what I did. I'm not beating myself up over it and I'm not swearing off all junk food forever. I'm just moving on and moving forward.
Sure I'll probably seriously regret it come weigh-in day but it is what it is. I'm not perfect and I never will be. Some weeks my tracking and exercise will be right on point and some weeks it won't. Some weeks I'll eat a little something I probably shouldn't and some weeks I won't. And some weeks I'll obviously go absolutely nuts and eat anything I can get my hands on.
Now, that's not saying that this will keep happening or that it was a healthy thing to do or anything like that. I just don't want to make stupid excuses for my choices. I chose to eat and I chose to keep eating. It was bad for my brain and for my body and I'm admitting it. I did it and now I'm just going to move forward and do my best not to do it again.
This is how life works. My life anyway and I'm okay with that. I'm on track 98% of the time which is awesome and so much better than I've ever done before in my life and as for the other 2%? Like I said, no one is perfect and honestly, that's okay.