... not only have I fallen off the wagon but it was more of a huge leap, then it ran me over and vanished into the sunset as I watched it go, stuffing my face with things are are horrible for my body and my weight.
Yeah, that's been this week so far and I HAVE to stop!
I don't know what's wrong with me. All I do is make excuses and eat and then make more excuses. Somewhere along they way (when I wake up every morning) I promise myself that today I'll start fresh and stay on track and within a couple of hours I'm off track again.
I don't know why it's so hard to get back on that wagon. The scale is climbing up, my clothes aren't fitting right, I feel sluggish and exhausted and everything hurts. Some is tied to all the crap I'm eating and some to how the weather has changed overnight dumping me into the high pain zone but all of those things are really excuses.
There's no good reason to keep stuffing my face. I'm in charge of my body and my life and I should be able to stop, only... I don't feel like I'm in charge of my body. I feel like some kind of binge monster has taken over and is trampling its way across all my hard work and destroying it as it goes.
I'm tired. My mind is tired and my body is tired (and hurts) and I know I'm just making things worse with all this eating so it stops right now. Now tomorrow morning, not on my next weigh-in day, not next week but right now.
And what's the best way to keep all that crap from going down my throat? Stop buying it and bringing it into the house! If it's not here I can NOT eat it.
I've spend the last four or five days making excuses about why we needed ice cream or Little Debbie's or chocolate or whatever and then driving to the store and buying it (not just for me but for Charles and the kids too... I'm an all encompassing binger I guess) so that stops now too.
No more junk will come into this house by my hand and since I buy all the groceries I can control that. If its not here I can't eat it. I know I can involve the kids in that too because if I tell them to tell me "no" they will. Trust me, they will lol.
So I guess this is what it comes down too. Right now I can not control myself around junk so the junk stops coming here. I don't know why the binging thing is happening but there are way I can fight it and I guess what I need to do is fight because I refuse to go back to how I was before I started getting healthy.
It's time to fight.