Sunday, June 5, 2016

Learning About Myself...

So today I went back through my blog again and carefully reread all the posts I made when I first started low carb and up until a few weeks ago, and I feel like I've learned quiet a bit about myself and how I was doing.

The first thing I noticed was how positive and upbeat I was. Full of hope and plans and, just, positivity. I was working hard and I knew it and I was seeing results from all that work. Pretty much the opposite of where I've been and how I've felt for the last several weeks.

Now, yes, I am bipolar and, yes, I need to pay attention to my moods in case my med cocktail has to be played with but I don't think I feel down because of the bipolar. I think I've been feeling down because I'm eating crap and barely working out and not losing weight anymore (the same 3 pounds up and down for eight weeks doesn't count as actual weight loss).

I saw that while I was doing "cheat days" over all those months where I was making progress, the cheats were minuscule. I wasn't eating any chips, no ice cream, no pastries, no junk, no donuts, no bread... none of that stuff. My cheat days then consisted of one small serving of either good chocolate or one small, rich bakery desert of some kind. And they were accounted for in my food tracker.

I did not spend all day stuffing myself with cheat food. Now, of course I already knew this and have been talking about getting back to that over the last few weeks now but rereading it and seeing it tracked reopened my eyes. I know what I have to do. I know what I have to plan for and I know what I shoudn't be doing. It just making it happen that's hard and it's hard because I've allowed it to get out of control.

I also saw that I planned very carefully for my macros, putting my protein and my carbs first and then working around them to make the rest fall into place. I didn't just grab food, I preplanned for all of it, days in advance at times. I also planned for several different kinds of protein a week so I wouldn't get bored with the same old thing and I focused on quality rather than quantity such as shrimp with a veggie and some cheese instead of a couple of slices of bacon.

Basically, I put a lot of time and effort into planning my food and that's something that's fallen to the wayside as well as I started choosing easy foods instead of actually taking the time to make a decent food plan come together.

And to go along with that, I ate way, way more protein than I've been eating the last few weeks and I think that made me feel full and kept me from overeating other things. I obviously need more satiating food, otherwise I wander the house and grab whatever.

I was also making a bigger effort with low carb veggies and really focused on making the carbs that I was eating healthy carbs.

As for exercise, we all know how well that was going and I've fallen off the wagon on that too and it sucks. Actually, this suddenly occurred to me as I'm typing, I'm probably down because exercise was giving me a med-free "up" and I miss it.

So, basically, this was what I needed, to reread how I did things and to find a way to do them again. I know what I need to do. I know how and I know why and I know when. I just need to suck it up, stop talking about it and just do it already!

Who's with me?

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