Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Checking in on Day Six

Today is day six of strictly counting calories. I've been eating a "normal" amount of healthy carbs... "normal" being under 100 - 120 net grams instead of under 50 for three days and I actually feel really good and am still seeing the scale move down so this just might work for me.

As I've said before, my goal is not just to lose weight, but to get healthy and to stop binging. Maybe if nothing is off limits but is instead allowed in moderate amounts when it fits my calories the binging may stop. I haven't had any desire to binge since I started last Thursday and even the cravings on day three were just junk cravings, not "eat everything in sight" cravings.

Maybe, just maybe, if I know I can have... let's say, an ice cream cone, and I know I can work it into my calorie count, maybe I won't feel like I have to eat the entire box of cones because they're "bad" and only allowed on one day a week (or month or whatever). Maybe if I treat food like just food and not like a reward or a treasure or something that is bad, maybe then I can stop binging and obsessing.

I don't know how well this will work and I'm still keeping the junk (including ice cream cones) as a very small part of my food plan (I don't want to use the word "diet" because I'm not dieting... I'm changing the way I eat and look at food) so I'm not sure how I will handle it when I do have it. I don't know if it will make me want to binge and my first test will be this weekend. Luckily, this weekend I'm at my best friend's house and I don't binge outside the home so even if I feel like binging it won't happen. It's like I battle-proofed my first "junk" try lol. My plan is still 90% healthy food for now outside of part of a dessert for Gabriel's birthday on Saturday and then Chinese on Christmas Day, but right now I feel really good about this.

The best part if that I'm not miserable. I'm not hating my "diet," I'm not obsessing over food I'm "not allowed to have" and I'm not craving it because I CAN have it if I can make it work. Just knowing that seems to make things easier.

This completely changes how I see my plan and my food and my eating habits but I think it's changing it for the better. I want to create a lifestyle here, not a diet that I will cheat on because I hate it. Of course I will keep evaluating as I go but as of right now I'm not doing low carb. More like moderate carb with the biggest focus being on calories and health.

Yes, I may end up losing weight slower at this rate but this isn't a race. This is my life and this feels very right to me at the moment.

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