Saturday, January 21, 2017

Saturday Thoughts on Moderation...

So... I've been thinking a lot about moderation and going up to moderate carbs from low carb/keto. It feel so weird to me that I feel good about this decision. I'm not freaking out that I won't lose weight fast enough. I'm not freaking out that I'll gain some temporary weight back (which I absolutely will because that's how it seems to work). I'm not freaking out that I'm going to go crazy and binge on all sorts of crap just because I'm allowing in more carbs.

In fact, I had some "cheat" foods this week and I didn't binge. I didn't have the desire to binge. I was able to eat some of it and then put the rest away and it's not calling out to me. My favorite chocolate is in the freezer right now (Ferrero Rocher) and I can take it or leave it. I haven't even had a piece today even though it's only a few feet away.

All of this is so strange to me. Normally I'm obsessing and freaking out and driving myself crazy and then gulping down everything that's in the house that may possibly taste good because I know I'm not allowing myself to have it later, but it seems that somehow, along the way, I have broken that obsession (or at least put it on hold... I don't want to jinx myself here!)

Part of this could be from my meds finally working as they should but part may be from the fact that, even with cheat foods (and I want to get rid of the whole idea of cheat foods and cheat days), I haven't binged in 42 days. FORTY-TWO DAYS!!!! Holy crap I had no idea it's been that long and I am actually shocked. OMG... I think that's the longest I've gone for most of my teen/adult life!!!

But, speaking if cheat days and foods, they just won't exist anymore because there is no need for them. If I really, really want, let's say an ice cream cone that comes in a box of 4, I'm not going to eat all 4. I will have one and immediately "assign" the rest to others who may want them and let them know they have ice cream waiting for them. If I want chocolate I can have a serving. If I want a donut I can have one but rarely and only if it fits my calories and macros that day and it has to be tracked.

So, basically, nothing is officially off-limits. My plan is to stick to moderate carb and keep it healthy. I'm "cutting out" 90% of white flour and white sugar, the ice cream, the pastries, bread, pasta, white potatoes, fake food, processed food, fast food, etc but that still leaves 10% for special occasions or when I really want some or whatever. The goal is to live my life and be happy an satisfied and, most importantly, be healthy. All that food won't make me healthy but having a small portion once in a great while won't make me unhealthy and will probably make me happy. I hope this is all making sense!

I want the obsession to stop and to allow everything in moderation and I feel like I'm finally, finally starting to get there. Yes, I still have a lot of weight to lose and a lot of work to do to get in shape and get healthy but I'm slowly making progress and slow progress is better than no progress.

I just feel... I feel good about my choices and my decisions. And that's a very weird thing for me to feel but I like it and I don't want it to stop!

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