Thursday, April 27, 2017

Thursday Weigh-In - April 27th

Thursday Weigh-In - April 27th:
04/27/2017:                    -0.6 pounds
Total lost:                       32.8 pounds
Current Weight:             197.2 pounds

Considering how badly this week went I have no idea how I even lost anything. All I've done is cheat left and right and that stops today.

Basically, I'm scaling the carbs back to 100 and under (50 and under most days) and I have to find a way to do this and not get obsessed because I don't have the willpower to work with a higher carb amount. As soon as I open up that carb amount area, the cheating kicks in and the only way to stop it is to drop back to low carb.

Yeah, of course I should be able to control myself at any carb amount but the honest truth is that I can't right now. I truly believe I had an addiction to simple carbs and sugars. If I was addicted to cigarettes or alcohol  and was trying to quit them would I allow small portions of them into my life or have cheat days for them? No. I wouldn't. So why do I do that with carbs?

The weird thing is that as long as I keep my carb levels down (like under 50-100 total a day) I make them healthy because I get such a small amount (to me anyway). But as soon as the option to have more is open to me, all the good carbs vanish and the bad carbs come in. Why is it that I can stick with the low carb but not higher? I guess why isn't really important right now (maybe later when I see my therapist in a couple of weeks). What's important is that I KNOW what works and I have to just suck it up and do it.

I'm sick of cheating and feeling like crap from cheating and see the scale barely move. Hell, I could have been in the 180's by now if I'd stuck with it the last few weeks. I guess I just have to look at all these set-backs and mistakes and poor choices and learn from them instead of complaining about them. They were bad choices but I made them and now I have to deal with them. It's just that simple.

I know that if I could get through the first week that I'll be okay. That first week is horrible and hard but I've done it before so I know I can do it again. If I can just fully detox I can stick to this plan. It's the detoxing that's the hardest part of all of this but I guess nothing great came from things being easy.

Maybe even higher carb will work for me at some point and maybe it won't but right now it doesn't and I need to admit that, face it and move on.

So, basically that the plan. Back to lower carb/keto (once again, workout days are up in the air right now) and no matter what, I will stick to it. I HAVE to or I'll be stuck in this cycle forever.

That's just how it has to be.

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