Sunday, May 14, 2017
... and what got me there was overeating crappy, carby, sugary food. It's hard to admit that I can't control myself but it's also true. I attempted more carbs for two days this week so far. The first day went well because I kept it low carb until dinner and then had mostly veggies. The second day was out of control and I'm back to low carb/keto and pretty much have to admit to myself that I HAVE to stay there. I don't need to experiment anymore, I know what works and I know what I need to do. It's just so hard to admit that I truly can not handle the simple carbs and sugars.
For example... There were 3 blueberry streusel "bites" in the house (my 2nd favorite after cherry). We're not going to talk about where the rest of them went yesterday. Anyway, they're 70 calories and 8 grams of carbs each. I knew and I mean KNEW that if I had said, "yeah, I'm doing moderate carb right now," that I would have gone and eaten every one of those three, but when I said, "no, my limit is low carb," that I wouldn't touch them and I didn't (Charles finished them for me).
I guess I desperately NEED that limit although I feel kind of pathetic knowing I need something like that and still can't control myself around "junk" or high carb foods. There's something in me that's so addicted that as soon as I relax the reigns a little it all goes to hell.
And that's exactly what it is. It is a true addiction and I have to look at it that way in order to break it. I can NOT have simple sugars and carbs, I get out of control no matter how hard I try. I need to accept it and do what works for me and just stop trying to do something different. I have to do this.
Maybe someday I will be able to control it but I need to stop messing around with it because "someday" is definitely not now.
I also decided to change the way I view this last year of, basically, weight-loss stalling. I was thinking about this on Friday and I had an interesting realization... I spent the last year kind of going up and down between the same 5 or 6 pounds and I keep saying that I wasted a whole year but if I change the way I look at it, I didn't waste the year, I kept off the 22-30-some-odd pounds for that year that I've lost so far. Obviously I still have a ton to lose but still. It's something.
Maybe if I start to look at that as a positive instead of a negative I'll get more positivity going!
Also, tomorrow I'll be back at the gym doing weight machine workouts because my back has really been acting up and hurting with all the drawing I've been doing (my hand isn't feeling too great either) and machines will protect my back better than an at-home free weight workout would. And I'm really looking forward to it too!
I think that's all I have for now and I hope you all have a great Mother's day!