Wow... I am on day 50 of low carb/keto with no cheating. Day 50!! I'm not sure if I knew I would get here. I think a part of me knew while another part kept preparing for failure and being surprised when that failure didn't happen since it has so many times in the past.
So what was it that changed? What was it that flipped that obsessive switch in my head and I went from cheating and going back and forth on my plans to sticking with one plan for this long?
The first thing that started the process was actually months and months ago, if you guys can believe that, it just didn't fully stick until the second thing and here they are.
I was watching an early season 5 episode of "My 600-Pound Life" and the woman's son was interviewed towards the beginning and what struck me was exactly what he said... "I've caught my mom sneaking food but she says it's her cheat day... but it seems like every day is her cheat day." and I went "Oh. My. God. That is me only 500 lbs lighter."
I even yelled out to Dmitri (who, I think along with everyone else in the house was sick and tired of me making promises and making plans and then breaking them all) and I told him the quote and he said, "Yeah, that's exactly what you do." And that realization just hit me so hard. I knew I was letting my kids down and they didn't trust the things I said anymore when it came to myself and food. So not only was I harming my body and my mental state but I was actively harming my family without even realizing it.
That was the first thing. I did cut down on "cheat days" after that but they still remained and grew and grew until they were out of control again. And then came the second thing.
Now, you would think the second thing would have been my size 14's getting tighter and tighter. Or the scale inching up closer and closer to 200 lbs again. Or my constant cravings for sugar, carbs and crap food. Or the fact that I wasn't working out the way I wanted, was sleeping too much, was exhausted with headaches and chronic pain and all these things that I KNEW low carb and keto made better.
But, no. It was none of those things. It was a magazine article I stumbled across while on Facebook and I really wish I had a link to it.
It was about a woman who had lost 125 lbs on keto in 18 months (or something like that) and what struck me was the last few lines which said that in the entire time she has been on this diet, she has not had one cheat day.
Not one cheat day.
And instead of thinking that I would never have the willpower to do that, or that I could never accomplish that or feeling jealous of her or any of those things, my first thought was... if she can do it so can I.
Why did I suddenly sound so convinced to myself that I could this after failing time after time after time? I don't know but I told Gabriel and Charles that this was what I was doing and, you know, they went along with it but I honestly think that no one really expected me to stick to it. Except me. Somehow I knew that this time would be different.
It's as if something changed with that thought of me succeeding. Like a switch was flipped. One day I'm floundering back and forth and back and forth like I had been for over a year and the next day I am ready and willing to face this challenge and beat it.
What flipped that switch? What made me suddenly, actually believe in myself? Maybe that was the moment I was truly ready? I don't know but something in that thought of being capable just worked and obviously has been working because I am doing it.
Today is day 50. Before this try I never went past day 30 without cheating. Now "cheating" doesn't exist for me and I have no intention of stopping. Of course I'm nowhere near 18 months but I am doing this and I am sticking to this and I like to think that my kids are proud of me for the hard work that I'm doing and for actually keeping my word like I said I would. They might be a little more shocked than proud but I know there's some pride in there somewhere.
So... that's it so far. 50 days have gone by and I will keep going with my plan in all day to come, be they 50 or 500.
There is no going back now. There is only forward and I'm ready for it!