Sunday, October 8, 2017

It Creeps In When You're Not Looking...



... and you don't even realize it's here until you can't stop crying and nothing sounds or feels or tastes good anymore.

Depression can take everything from you... your positivity, your plans, your hopes, your dreams... the world goes gray and everything is harder to do, like you are slogging through the mud, like your legs are made of cement.

Food doesn't taste good, music doesn't sound right, your interest in the world, nature, exercise, health, weight loss, family, creativity and anything you normally love in your life fades away until there's a wall between you and the things you once loved to do.

It doesn't even have the decency to to come out and tell you it's coming. It rolls in like a fog, circling slowly higher and higher until suddenly you are coated and you can't see your way back to who you were before.

It doesn't matter how hard you try. It doesn't matter how positive your try to stay. It doesn't matter that life is going well and there's no reason why you shouldn't be happy. It just is what it is.

And now, now that it's here you can finally look back and see the build up that you wish you could have seen as it happened... slowly, brick by brick, step by step away from the you you want to be to the you you try and hold back with therapy and medication and hope.

And there is nothing you can do but call your psychiatrist and your therapist and go back to juggling medications and talking until something clicks and it recedes again like the tide, leaving you finally free to breathe again.

Depression takes everything from you.

Everything.

And no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you never know how long it will be until it's finally gone again.

1 comment:

  1. Man do I feel this one. Just swap out "depression" for C-PTSD symptoms. I used to fear it would stay forever...at least now most of the time I kinda believe it will end & feeling good will return.

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