12/21/2017: -0 pounds
Total lost: 70.4 pounds
Current Weight: 159.6 pounds
For the first in the 28 weeks that I have been doing low carb/keto without cheating I have not lost weight.
I tried to convince myself that I would be okay with stalling because it was bound to happen but my attitude this morning did not reflect that and I have some serious thinking to do about not just my attitude but my entire approach to this weight loss and how I live my life.
Today, it was suggested to me by several people who I trust, admire and listen to (most of the time) that I need to take a step back and look at (and be grateful for) what I have accomplished so far in my journey, to be happy with me and to accept and love myself as I am. That I've made huge strides in the last six months and that I'm not in a sprint to lose this weight, this isn't a diet and there's no being "done." This is a marathon and an entire life change and my happiness can not and should not be based on the number that shows up on the scale.
I agree with all of that and I needed to hear it but it may take me a while to get my head around the whole idea of it. I mean, mentally I get it and I agree but emotionally it will take some work to not let my happiness rest on what the scale shows me.
So what have I accomplished since I started losing weight and, especially, in the last 28 weeks?
- I've lost 70.4 pounds total
- I am stronger, faster and more capable of holding down a workout (excluding back issues)
- I'm off my cholesterol meds completely
- my headaches and fibro flares are much less frequent
- I sleep better and don't nap anymore
- I have an amazing amount of energy
- all of my psych meds have been lowered
- I'm wearing clothes I haven't been able to wear in many, many years
- I'm happier and I smile more
- I look forward to working out
- I'm confident in my ability to create and run a workout (or many lol) and I enjoy doing it
- I can control my cravings
- I stopped binging
- I don't emotionally eat anymore
- food is not my therapist, it's just food
- I believe I can accomplish what I set my mind too
On another topic, my freaking back went out yet again, this morning, in the same spot as the last two times in the last week. I'm in a lot of pain and I honestly have no idea where my workouts are going to go from here. I'll see my doctor in just under a week but I need to get by until then and, right now, I need to focus on getting my back healthy and strong and not worry about "getting in shape." Once again, something I have to look at in a different light and something that will take some serious mental work.
In the meantime, I'm going to keep working on mental health and attitude while sticking to the same general food plan. I know I'm not done with the weight loss yet because I, at least, want to get to a healthy weight for my height, but I am know I need to step back from obsessing so I'm going to keep doing what I have been doing while focusing on making my diet more healthy and varied and not making that number the highest priority of whether or not I'm being successful.
I get my one feast day on Christmas Eve and I'm greatly looking forward to that but my biggest goal right now, outside of the mental work I have to do, is to find a way to function with whatever this back injury is.
I started this journey not just to lose weight but to get healthy and I'm slowly getting there, but there's still a lot of mental and emotional work to be done.