Well, it has been a crazy couple of days and it occurred to me somewhere in that time that I completely forgot to talk about my new psych meds so let's start with those.
For those that don't know, I am Bipolar II with anxiety (and most likely some OCD and stuff thrown in there) and I've been on the same cocktail of meds for quiet a while now with occasional dosage tweaking here and there.
Unfortunately, the last several months (or more) I have been very "up" or as the pros would call it, "hypomanic." Now, I actually like being hypomanic for the most part; I have tons of energy, I'm happy, I run around getting stuff done and, frankly, I'm still half convinced that it's not hypomania but exercise endorphins, but once more than one person had to tell me they were concerned I decided to bring it up with my pdoc and he agreed with the hypomania.
There are bad parts to it that I was not enjoying, especially my brain feeling like it's running on a nonstop hamster wheel, sleeping less, talking insanely (hahahaha no pun intended) fast and so on. He decided that the last time he lowered one of my mood stabilizers might have been too much and we need to go back up. Easy, right?
Ha! Not so fast! The problem with this particular mood stabilizer is that it affects my sodium levels and causes my hyponatremia which has landed me in the ER more than once now so we can't go back up on it. In fact, he wants to work on getting me off of it altogether so we had to find a new med to replace that one. But it had to not have this particular side effect and it had not conflict with the other meds in the cocktail so eventually he found one.
But the rule with this med (and I have been on it before but not for many, many years and no one remembers if it worked for me or why I went off of it, this was like 3-4 pdocs ago) is that it has to go up very slowly and it's therapeutic effects don't start until you reach at at least 100 mg a day and you don't reach that for 4-6 weeks so, while we introduce the new med, I have to stay on the lower portion of the old med. Still with me?
So I started the new med a few days ago and holy crap... I can NOT function like this. The first night I took it in knocked me out within 15 minutes and I was a zombie until about 4-5 pm the next day. I could barely get my brain to work, I kept forgetting words and what I was doing, I absolutely could not drive, my emotions were going crazy and I had a horrible, horrible headache. Repeat that on day 2 only slightly less awful but with way more emotional stuff like crying and crying over little tiny things and the persistent headache and I'm not happy with this. At all.
I can't function like this and I don't want to try to function like this especially given the fact that I started my personal training program and I feel completely overwhelmed and in over my head and this med is NOT helping and all I can do is cry!
I left a message for my pdoc and hopefully his office will get back to me because I honestly can't be like this. It sucks.
So on to the next topic... my workout plan. Sigh. Now that I have started the CPT program I've come to realize that there is no way I can keep going with 2 hours a day at the gym which is how my program works. I just don't have time for that right now despite how much I love it (hell, it took me almost 4 hours to get through one chapter last night with highlighting, flashcard making and note taking and it wasn't even that hard of a chapter!).
Anyway, I took a quick look through the programs I already have in my document folder and I've decided to give the Lauren Gleisberg Weight Training Plan Gym Program a try. I've talked about her plans before, I loved the home one and it will take a lot less time and planning every day to just follow her program and not have to worry about my own.
Her workouts are the right combo of everything I like to do and everything that will push me really hard so that's what I will be starting with tomorrow. I still want to do my yoga stretch but that's a 30-minute yoga workout so it may not be an everyday thing anymore. We'll see.
I'm also going to hire a personal trainer from the gym for an hour to teach me things like using barbells, the squat rack and how to correctly do deadlifts because, one, they're all part of LG gym program and two, as a future trainer I really need to know how to do that stuff!
Anyway, I'm going to start with the LG Gym plan tomorrow but I won't be able to post my full workouts again because they're not created by me and since it was a paid program (although super affordable) I can't make a list of everything I'm doing but I'll still be making workouts posts like I did when I was using her home program.
So, now we get to the topic of the NASM-CPT program. Honestly, up until I actually started with module one (chapters 1 and 13) I felt like a reasonably smart, well educated person who knew a little here and there about working out. Now I feel like I'm reading this text book in a foreign language and that I'm so in over my head that I don't even know where to start with flashcards and memorizing and learning everything (some of this is possibly from the new med so it's all linked together).
I know I'll figure this out but right now I just feel so... incapable and I hate feeling this way. I love to learn new things, I like studying, I love fitness stuff and I haven't even gotten to the really hard stuff yet (the biology and anatomy portions) so what's my problem????
Anyway, right now I feel super out of my element, super stressed and super exhausted with all sorts of med side effects to make it all just so much more fun.
And all I want to do it binge. It won't happen (I'm only one day away from my 100-day no cheating tank top) but it's all I freaking want to do!
So those are my updates for today. I have a feeling I'm forgetting some really important things I wanted to talk about but I don't know what they were and this post is long enough so I'll end it here and go do some more learning/studying. I have a feeling that's what I'll be doing most of the time for the next 3 months (my CPT exam is officially scheduled for August 2nd!).