Thursday, June 7, 2018

Let's Talk Progress, Growth, New Goals and Changes - Very Long

I have done a lot of thinking and talking things over with people over the last couple of weeks and today I finally arrived at an actual decision of how I want to proceed with my weight loss and fitness journey from here on out.

I am done focusing on weight loss as my main goal and I'm starting maintenance. This has been a long time coming and for weeks now, if not months, I've been saying... as soon as I'm done losing weight I'll do this and as soon as I'm done losing weight I'll go here and as soon as I'm done losing weight I'll buy that and, honestly, I'm sick and tired of living my life in the "as soon as I'm done losing weight" mode.

Frankly, to me, I'm done. My original goal weight when I started out almost exactly 3 years ago was to lose 100 lbs and that number was picked because it was a 100 pounds from where I started and I thought it would be cool to lose a round 100 pounds. Well, I have not lost 100 lbs and I'm not even sure that I can anymore or that I want to. My other goals were to get healthy, to get off as many non-psych meds are possible and to be strong and fit. My goal was never to be skinny. I wanted to be lean and strong and fit and I'm now changing my plan to fit those goals!

But, first, what have I accomplished over these three years (2.5 of them on keto):
-I've lost 72.6 lbs
-I've lost numerous inches, specifically:
     Waist: - 10 inches
     Hips: - 10.5 inches
     Bust: - 9.5 inches
     Chest: - 11 inches
     Right arm: - 3 inches
     Left arm:  - 3 inches
     Right thigh: -7 inches
     Left thigh: - 7inches
     Right calf: - 2.7 inches
     Left calf:   - 2.7 inches
-I have dropped 7 pants sizes (from a size 20 jeans to a size 6).
-I have gone from 2X shirts to size small
-I can visibly see developing muscle
-I can lift heavier, walk faster, have way more stamina, don't breath hard going up the stairs and am working out six days a week.
-I am off my high cholesterol meds as my cholesterol is perfect now
-my blood pressure is great
-my resting heart rate is in a healthy zone
-my body fat is almost in a healthy zone
-I no longer binge (as long as I keep away from simple carbs and sugars)
-I'm satisfied with a much smaller amount of food
-I am able to make goals and actually follow through on them
-I'm able to participate in physical activities easily (long nature walks for example)
-I'm happy with what I see in the mirror
-my wedding ring is so loose I need either resize it or replace it
-I don't have any clothes left in my house that don't fit anymore except for those that are too big
-almost all my psych meds had to be lowered because my weight has dropped so much
-there are people I see now and again who don't recognize me at first because I look so different! (like today... it was awesome, made my whole day lol).
-I've gotten rid of my migraines and 95% of my chronic fibromyalgia pain (thank you keto!!)
-I feel confident enough about myself, my health and my fitness to be studying to become a personal trainer!
-I can do and hold yoga poses I never imagined being able to do at all!

What I haven't accomplished:
- I did not hit my goal weight and, frankly, I don't even know what my goal weight is at this point in time
-I am not at a healthy BMI and I'm no longer focusing on that since I want to build more muscle
-I'm not lean enough
-I'm not at a healthy body fat yet
-I haven't gotten rid of my obsession with the scale
-I haven't gotten rid of my obsession with weighing and measuring EVERYTHING I eat
-hell, I haven't gotten rid of any food/scale/weight obsessions, in fact, they've gotten worse (yes, I will be calling my therapist tomorrow to set up an appointment to see her)

As you can see, the accomplishments have way surpassed what still isn't done and I'm done waiting around for the scale to move a little more just to feel happy. I'm done climbing on that damn scale every single day and feeling like a failure every time it fluctuates. I'm done refusing food that could fit my plan (like salad)  just because I can't weight it at the moment it's offered. I mean, it's freaking lettuce and cucumbers... that's NOT going to hurt me!! Just eat it!! I'm done, done, done, especially with the scale obsession!

I know I can't quit it cold turkey and I know I have to take this one step at a time but I need to stop letting it control how I feel about myself every morning. Right now my goal is to get on it once a week, then eventually once a month and then less than that but it's not my focus anymore. I think I'll continue with my weekly weigh-in for now but that may stop eventually or maybe I should stop it now? I'm not sure about that part yet but from here on out I want to build muscle, eat healthier and get leaner. I want to be able to lift heavier and move faster. I want to be more fit and strong!

So, for all the reasons listen above, I am changing my food plan, my calories and my macros. The thing that is NOT changing is the cheat days or lack of cheat days. That will continue outside of special occasions and even that will be somewhat controlled!

At first I was thinking of not doing keto anymore and making it more low carb and adding in things like sweet potatoes, but as soon as that train of thought got started the intrusive thoughts of... "oh, now you can sneak in bread and cake and get away with it..." started and no. No, I'm not about to go down that road again so keto it is but more keto for muscle gain rather than weight loss.

So with the help of some keto people (if you guys are reading this, thank you so much!!!), I now have much higher protein macros, lower fat goals and the same carb goals with a higher amount of calories. The rules are simple: protein is the goal, carbs are the limit and fat should only be eaten to satiety, you shouldn't go over it but it's fine to go under it, the less of it you eat, the more it'll be taken from your body but it has to be high enough to make you feel full. But getting in protein is the #1 goal and, as has been posted here many times, the hardest part for me, but I'm more than willing to learn and make it work (hence the Snow White pic at the top of this post lol).

If I want to build more muscle I need to eat more, I need to eat better, and I need to step away from the scale. Honestly, a few pounds might come back or a few more pounds might come off, I don't know and I'm trying to just let that part go. What matters to me now is health, inches and body fat percentage, not the numbers on the scale (well, okay, I'm trying to make those not matter).

I'd also love to get away from weighing and measuring everything that I eat but, like the scale, it's a long-term OCD and psychological thing for me and it's going to take a lot of work to let that go!

I also want to eat cleaner, cut out the processed crap as much as possible and focus on healthy, quality food that we make at home! It's not just about weight anymore, its about health!

So, I think that about covers it and if anyone has any great, high protein meals, recipes or foods to recommend, please send them my way! I'm going to need them!

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